So, I’m going to the Congo sometime in March. The decision was both incrediby easy and very difficult. Difficult because I am kind of afraid of Africa. I’ve never really wanted to actually go there. Okay, I used to want to go on a safari of some sort, and I’d like to see Victoria falls, and the pyramids seem cool. But I’ve never been too keen on going anywhere that had a required vaccination list. And malaria medicine seems a little scary. And then there’s the whole unstable government/roaming rebel groups thing. That’s not a great selling point.
The easy part of the decision is not something I will probably be able to put into words. There are moments, flashes, starting nearly two years ago–there is me watching the Congocast preview episode for the first time. And then watching it nearly compulsively, over and over, for a week solid. There is a late-evening conversation at a coffeeshop with Simona, when I blurted out as I was leaving, “I can’t stop thinking about the Congo,” and her eyes lit up and she said, “I can’t either.” And before Christmas, I was at church and there was some song, I can’t remember what, and I just burst into tears because I knew I had to go to the Congo, and I was afraid to.
It’s something about love, what it means to love your neighbor. There are people there who have lived through things I cannot imagine. There are people there who are living things I cannot imagine. And something about this place has a hold on me, and I know if I don’t go I will be denying something important.
Maybe I will write about this. Maybe it will grow into something bigger. Maybe not. Maybe it’s just a one-time thing, a trip I need to take to get something out of my system. I don’t know.
But now it has a date. March. That’s really soon. I’ve got an appointment for my vaccinations tomorrow. And things will happen very quickly, and that’s probably for the best. I’m scared and thrilled. I can’t wait to go, and I can’t wait to get back.
5 Comments
I can’t wait to hear what you have to say about it.
I would like to know more about your plans for while you’re there.
I know what you mean about it being a scary place. I think most Westerners feel that way and at the same time feel ashamed of feeling that way. The atrocities that are committed on that continent every day are astounding. I recently read a book called “What is the What?” about Sudan, and it was an eye-opening experience. How incredibly sad that things like this still go on in the world. It often makes me wonder if there is any true goodness in humanity. People are more than happy to kill and destroy, but few are willing to nurture and build a better and safer world for us all.
I think you nailed it on the head–I feel bad about what happens in Africa, but a lot of times I would also prefer not to think about it. I’ve recently read that book as well and was blown away by it. Whether there is goodness in humanity or not is also something I’ve been thinking about, and I don’t know if my ideas are solid enough to be articulated right now (esp. because I have to pack for a trip and I still have some work to finish up tonight, and dishes!) but I would like to revisit the idea sometime soon.
Okay, I’ve had some catching up to do, and I am starting here, so I expect more details will be discussed as you get closer.
But what I’ll say to start is that I’m really excited for you and admire you doing this big thing that has captured your spirit. I hope that your trip is positive, and I can’t wait to hear about it!
Outside of the bits and pieces of Africa/Congo/atrocity related news that comes into my zone of awareness from time to time, I don’t know a whole lot about what is going on. Partly, I don’t have time to check out these big, illuminating books, and partly I don’t want to because it is horrible to hear about horrible things happening to other people. It is easier to just rest in ignorance with general feelings of disapproval, sympathy, and unease. But I don’t think that is the right way to be (at least all the time), so I applaud you for facing the truth of the things that are going on and for facing your own fears and interests in it.
You know, I feel the same way about a lot of things that are happening in the world. There is no shortage of tragedies, and you could spend every day of your life learning about some new awful thing–but then you’d be a mess and no use to anyone. I think we want to help but we don’t know how to help or even if we can help. And why find out about this tragic thing that you can’t do anything about? One thing I wonder is, what can be done? Is there hope for Congo? For Africa? I believe there is. But what does it look like? Is it something that’s possible in our lifetimes? What do we do as humans, as spiritual beings, as physical beings? So many questions…