Allow me to attempt an explanation. See, it seems like absolutely everyone I know is having babies. Which is wonderful. But, life seems to change in very fundamental ways when one has a baby, for obvious reasons.

Right now, I’m fairly focused on writing. I’m not really employed anywhere in the traditional sense. And I’m chasing after a dream that has a more than decent shot of never ever coming true. So, while this isn’t something I think about all the time, and this isn’t some grand source of anxiety in my life, it is something that is a part of what I’m doing, the ever-present reality of “this might not work.” And, yes, I know that it will be okay, that if one dream dies, another will come along, and so forth, but this is where I’m at.

Okay, so what does writing have to do with kids, and what do kids have to do with couponing? This is where I’m not sure if this will make any sense. But, there I am in Harris Teeter, and I think I have this flash of me in a number of years with a toddler and a baby and all my conversations are about cloth diapers and breastfeeding and cheerios and preschools and coupons and yard maintenance. (Not that there’s anything wrong with any of those topics, but go with me here.) And writing isn’t in that picture. We are in Wilmington. We’re not going to move or have any grand adventure. We’re focused on stability. Life is set. No change. No dreams. That’s it.

Melodramatic? Yes. Improbable? Sure. It isn’t a rational fear. Just like being afraid of spiders isn’t rational. The odds on actually being harmed by a spider are pretty laughable. And I know that whenever we do end up having kids, my life doesn’t have to be dominated by that completely, that I will retain my personality, that I can determine whether to give up on my dreams or not. But I think this better hits on what my gut reaction was about.

I still “coupon.” I still shop for sales. I don’t spend as much time on it as I once did, and I’m okay with only saving forty percent instead of more. That’s all fine and dandy. And I’m not intellectually worrying here about having kids or giving up on writing. It was more of just a gut reaction, a feeling.

Hilary: But see, you’re one of the ones who seem to do couponing in style. I think the fact that I knew none of the ladies in Harris Teeter contributed to my freaking out, because there are so many people who seem to be brilliant about it. Like Audrey, I can’t imagine anyone accusing her of being unglamorous or too suburban. So clearly, there is something wrong with the part of my brain that might be a couponer… I will continue to greatly admire those who can breeze through a grocery store and pay a fraction of what the rest of us pay!

Katy: I also have a phobia of math. That’s another strike against couponing for me. All that adding. Mentally tripling the coupon’s value…trying to figure out what percentage I saved…oh, dear.