Dear Telemarketer, caller ID: “800 Service,” who persists against my most vigilant efforts at ignoring your call:
Your determination is admirable. Truly, a motivational speaker could use you as an example of Not Giving Up—the quality one must possess if one does not also possess unusual talent and/or impeccable connections. I’ve not given you a single indication that I’ll ever pick up, and yet you still call, trying out different times and days to see if perhaps you might catch me unawares. That perhaps I might be expecting a call and might answer without checking the caller ID. Or perhaps I have a demanding job and am only at home after 9:00 on Friday nights. No? Well, then you’ll try 9:00 Saturday morning. And then at 5:00 the same Saturday afternoon.
It began with a call every other day or so. Then you increased your attempts to once a day. Now it’s multiple times every day. I have not once answered. My faithful answering machine picks up every time, and says the exact same thing every time. I’m considering changing it from its benign “Please leave a message and we’ll get back to you as soon as possible” (you always listen to the whole message, but never leave one of your own) to something more obvious. Like, “Hey, if you have something I want, then you’ll leave a message and I’ll call you back. Otherwise, stop calling me!” But I fear even that wouldn’t deter you. Because you know you don’t have something I want, but are convinced that if you could get me on the phone, your stunning script would wow me into submission, persuading me to agree to whatever service or product you’re harking. Or, that with your celebrated persistence you’ll just annoy me long enough that I’ll agree to anything just to get you to leave me alone.
I’ll tell you now, whatever it is, I’m not interested. I don’t need a Discover Business Card. I don’t want a home equity loan or mortgage protection insurance or a free trip to Bermuda. The timeshares Hilton keeps wanting to show us? We don’t qualify for the minimum income level to see them. So, I can assure you that you’re wasting your time. And I am screening every call. Every time you call, I get a little more annoyed. Most of the time, I’m hoping to hear from a friend, and then I go to the phone, and it’s you! You! So, please, I’m begging you. Give up. Move on. Because the next time you call, I just may be tempted to answer…
6 Comments
Make sure you’re on the “Do Not Call” registry for your state. If you are on the Do Not Call Registry and the telemarketer persists, contact the Federal Trade Commission and file a formal complaint. Next time they call, answer the phone and demand a name of a business and a mailing address. Be very assertive and explain you’re going to send a certified letter demanding the business cease all calls immediately. I guarantee you the individual will either hang up or just say “You’re off the list” – if they refuse, write down whatever information you can and provide it to the FTC.
Michael, you’re such a ninja. I’m going to try this. Thanks!
I worked in a call center for half a day during a period of unemployment before I just walked out and didn’t go back. I never actually saw or dialed residential numbers; it was all automated to dial up some unknown person the second my previous call disconnected. It’s possible that whoever’s on the other end of the line has no idea that you’ve been previously called by him/herself or a coworker and has no control over it anyway. That said, the person on the other end likely makes a couple of bucks per hour plus a slight commission on whatever the product/service is and may have no idea how to get your number out of the company’s calling system, which makes them just hanging up on you or lying and saying that “you’re off the list” counterproductive to your purpose. I would say to follow Michael’s advice, and if they call again, be sure to ask for a supervisor and then demand the business address, etc.
You know what…I really hope that they aren’t calling because you won a prize or something. That would really stink!
Sabrina–that’s a very good point. And I’ve done my fair share of cold calling too, so I definitely hold no malice toward the actual caller. I’ve been trying to get on the no-call list since the weekend, but wouldn’t you know I can’t get the website to load? I might have to break down and actually make a phone call. Jeez.
Becki–ahh, wouldn’t that be nice. But I checked and it really is Wells Fargo, so no prize. And generally speaking, people who have good news usually leave messages and a number you can return calls to.
Solicitation calls were one of the main reasons Seth and I got rid of our home line. Seriously! Those people, or automated number dialers, are incorrigible. But since giving up your home line is not what you probably want to do, I recommend the Do Not Call list and possibly even answering one of the calls and telling them to stop the insanity!