Lately, all I can think about is advocacy at Port City. (If you need to get caught up, here’s what I’ve said before about my Pod) I had a meeting with Jennifer Leech last Thursday, and since then I’ve felt like a live wire. Like, I’m pulsing. Thinking about the possibilities, the potential. Ah. I feel like something huge could happen, and I have ideas about how to make it happen. And the ideas just come in waves, one right after another, and I’m talking about it constantly, testing my ideas on Jesse, Sharon, the Paschals, Jasara. Anyone crazy enough to let me jabber on for a while.

There are a few things in life that wind me up like this. Writing something I think could be really good. Leading groups. Thinking about ways to change the world. It’s very physical, when it happens—I get jumpy with the energy, like there’s something in my body that’s going to burst out, like the idea is energy itself, pushing through my veins.

And when people hear the ideas and they seem to get it, when they see the possibilities I see and their eyes light up, oh that’s crack to me. That’s addictive.

Poor Jesse, it’s like how I listen to music. I get a new album and literally play it constantly, on repeat. Right now, the music is advocacy, the ideas, and Jesse has to hear it constantly. I know it’s not his passion, that it must bore him, so sometimes I don’t say what I’m thinking, I just sort of space out and think. And sometimes he asks what I’m thinking and I just smile and say guess, and he knows.

The last two days, I’ve woken up before the alarm, thinking about small groups and advocacy, and I can’t go back to sleep, I have to let the thoughts play themselves out, I have to rehearse it, turn the ideas over and around and examine them from every angle, trying to see what I’m not seeing yet, trying to think what I’ve not thought yet.

So if you see me spacing out, you know where I am, you know what I’m thinking about, you know what questions I’m asking—what if the impossible were possible, what if the right idea is the one that seems wrong at first, what if everything is backward and upside down? What if? What if? What if? Oh, my favorite question in the world.

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