Contentment

I was reading old blog posts the other night, revisiting last summer, San Francisco, coming home. I still can’t believe there was ever a time I thought about not going to San Francisco for the whole month of July. It was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

I remember how intensely I craved change last year. How Wilmington began to feel almost oppressive. I think I’m always going to be a restless person. I don’t think that will ever change. I think some people are content where they are, and some are restless, and you’re either one or the other. Restless people can learn contentment, and content people can learn to deal with change, but fundamentally I think you’ll always come down on one side or the other.

But this year, I am learning to settle into the way life is. I know it will change. I know things will change, and probably drastically, but they will probably not change right now. (Knowing that is why I can learn to be content, I believe, restless person that I am.) I’m learning to love what’s lovely about my life as it is right now. I’m trying to see things through a filter–what would I miss if it were gone? Appreciate that. 

Tennis with Jesse on Friday morning. The warm sun and blue sky.

The garden. No matter how sluggy it is.

Writing. Writing like the story is burning me from the inside out. It has to get out, on paper, even if no one ever reads it. I’m writing every day, and there are very few days that pass when I do not write. If I don’t write one day, I’ll feel it the next. I’ll get grouchy and twitchy and irritable. Until I write again, and then I’ll settle down, and things will smooth out.

(Jesse has learned this. The other day, I’d been slammed with work for a while and still needed to go to the store. I hadn’t gotten anything done on the book in a couple days. Jesse volunteered to go to the store, for two reasons. One, so that he could take one more item off my to-do list. And two, to give me a bit of time to write alone. By the time he came home, I was in a better mood, and we had groceries in the house. Happy day.)

Our friends. Our dear, sweet, funny, wonderful friends.

My job. My students, who are brilliant.

The children in my life who are growing up far too quickly.

The list goes on and on. I still love the idea of future change. But, in the meantime, I am loving things the way they are, even though they aren’t perfect. I know things could be better, and I know things could be worse. So, I will enjoy where I am and when I am and how I am, as much as I can.

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One Comment

  1. Mom
    Posted June 14, 2012 at 8:06 am | Permalink

    What maturity you show in this blog. At my age, am still TRYING to learn this. It hurts so much, though, to give up a “dream” (or should I say goal??), I keep hanging on to some of them thinking that my life would just not be as happy if I don’t achieve them. I know the Apostle Paul says to be content in whatever state we’re in but a few months of the year, I don’t much care for the state I’m in. (whine, whine). Enough?

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