On Breathing

By Erin | Published: April 2, 2012

For the past few weeks, I haven’t been able to breathe well. My asthma–which had not reared its ugly head since I was an undergraduate–appears to be back. I’m really lucky that my case isn’t that bad (in other words, no panicked trips to the ER). But I really don’t appreciate breathing so much as when I can’t quite do it.

If you’ve seen me over the past few weeks, you’ve probably noticed my yawning–a lot. I’m the Girl Who Yawns All the Time these days, it seems. I can’t imagine what my students have been thinking. When I’m asked a question, I often have to pause for breath just before launching into my answer. It’s kind of funny. I always feel like I’ve got to yawn, though, and no matter how deep a breath I try to take, the feeling doesn’t go away.

I’ve been to the doctor twice, to get a total of three prescriptions (and one over-the-counter pill). Finally, the inhalers and allergy pills seem to be working, and I haven’t had to use my rescue inhaler in a few days (a new record for me). The prescriptions have cost about $350, and I’ve yet to be billed for the office visits (usually around $100 a pop). Oh the joys of a high-deductible insurance plan.

Despite the difficulty breathing, I’m absolutely enamored with this spring. The azaleas look like they’re going to explode. The dogwoods are gorgeous and delicate. The wisteria is weeping little purple blooms all over the yard. Everything is sprouting and budding and blooming, and the air is so warm, and the sky is so blue. It’s all so lovely.

I try to remind myself of these thoughts as I’m trying to take deep breaths. Everything comes with its costs, I suppose. And this too shall pass.

(It had better. Lord knows I can’t afford these prescriptions past pollen season!)

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Passing

By Erin | Published: March 28, 2012

Life lately is a blur–a series of classes taught, plans made, meals eaten. My in-laws were in town this weekend, and the time passed much too quickly. We filled it as best we could with neighborhood walks and grocery shopping for dinner and long conversations.

This week is already half gone–how did that happen? My teaching days are long (more than thirteen hours from when I leave the house to when I return), but they pass quickly. I find myself at 2:30 saying, wait, where is the day?

And where is all the time I had to get everything done? Where did that go?

The semester has only five weeks left, plus finals.

Where did the semester go?

It’s almost April. Where has the year gone?

At the same time, I feel everything I am looking forward to is lodged solidly in the distant future. Or, the possible future. (That would be where writing lives. Sigh. Still, I plug away.) So while time seems to be passing by at an alarming rate, I don’t feel any closer to my goals.

I’m learning (however slowly) to appreciate where I am. Not look forward so much. This is a lesson I am re-learning again and again.

So for today, I will write and I will water the plants and take a walk and start reading a new book. I will eat dinner with friends. And I will try not to think about anything beyond that. Because I know one day I’ll be looking back on this time, thinking how good I had it, and missing aspects of how I’m living right now. I will try to keep that in mind.

 

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Oliver and Gracie Recommend: Napping with a Friend

By Erin | Published: March 23, 2012

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The Other

By Erin | Published: March 21, 2012

From By the River Piedra I Sat Down & Wept, by Paulo Coelho:

“What is the Other?” they ask.

“The Other is the one who taught me what I should be like, but not what I am. The Other believes that it is our obligation to spend our entire life thinking about how to get our hands on as much money as possible so that we will not die of hunger when we are old. So we think so much about money and our plans for acquiring it that we discover we are alive only when our days on earth are practically done. And then it’s too late.”

“And you? Who are you?”

“I am just like everyone else who listens to their heart: a person who is enchanted by the mystery of life. Who is open to miracles, who experiences joy and enthusiasm for what they do. It’s just that the Other, afraid of disappointment, kept me from taking action.”

“But there is suffering in life,” one of the listeners said.

“And there are defeats. No one can avoid them. But it’s better to lose some of the battles in the struggle for your dreams than to be defeated without ever even knowing what you’re fighting for.”

“That’s it?” another listener asked.

“Yes, that’s it. When I learned this, I resolved to become the person I had always wanted to be. The Other stood there in the corner of my room, watching me, but I will never let the Other into myself again—even though it has already tried to frighten me, warning me that it’s risky not to think about the future.”

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Flexitarian

By Erin | Published: March 19, 2012

Recently, Jesse and I have found ourselves eating more and more vegetarian meals. We’ve never eaten a ton of meat (certainly less than the “Average American,” as it were). Ever since borrowing World Vegetarian from Becki, though, we’ve been on a vegetarian kick. We’re eating a lot of lentils, rice dishes, and other veggie-based meals. I got Mark Bittman’s How to Cook Everything Vegetarian at the library and have been trying out some of his recipes too. Last night was a creamy carrot soup and coconut rice with jalapenos and ginger. We’re not eating this way because we feel like we should–the recipes are just darn good.

Apparently, what we are has a name. Flexitarian. That sounds fun, doesn’t it? “We’re flexitarian.” Say it out loud. It sounds like we do a lot of yoga.

Anyway, we’re not going to become real vegetarians. “A life without bacon is not worth living” is what I always say. But when we do go several days without meat, we haven’t missed it.

Other benefits of being flexitarians (other than “cool name”):

1. Meat is freaking expensive. I try to buy meat with as little antibiotics and hormones as possible, and that makes it even more expensive. So, less meat means more money in the food budget.

2. Less meat = better for the environment.

3. More veggies = live longer.

4. Whoever came up with the idea that we needed meat every day anyway? When my dad was growing up, they had beans and cornbread for dinner and had a chicken on Sundays. Meat once a week sounds much more reasonable than the meat-at-every-meal habit we’ve developed culturally. Also, our demand for cheap meat encourages all the gross factory farming that’s now freaking us out. (Pink slime, anyone?)

5. I’m just going to give this one its own number. No pink slime in vegetables.

Here’s an article about flexitarians, but I must say I find it ridiculous to call us “vegetarians who eat meat.” Um. Vegetarians, by definition, do not eat meat. Ever. You don’t get to call yourself a vegetarian if you eat meat. Period. This article sometimes calls us “part-time vegetarians,” which is maybe a little better.

But not nearly as cool as “flexitarians.”

 

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