Your determination is admirable. Truly, a motivational speaker could use you as an example of Not Giving Up—the quality one must possess if one does not also possess unusual talent and/or impeccable connections. I’ve not given you a single indication that I’ll ever pick up, and yet you still call, trying out different times and days to see if perhaps you might catch me unawares. That perhaps I might be expecting a call and might answer without checking the caller ID. Or perhaps I have a demanding job and am only at home after 9:00 on Friday nights. No? Well, then you’ll try 9:00 Saturday morning. And then at 5:00 the same Saturday afternoon.

It began with a call every other day or so. Then you increased your attempts to once a day. Now it’s multiple times every day. I have not once answered. My faithful answering machine picks up every time, and says the exact same thing every time. I’m considering changing it from its benign “Please leave a message and we’ll get back to you as soon as possible” (you always listen to the whole message, but never leave one of your own) to something more obvious. Like, “Hey, if you have something I want, then you’ll leave a message and I’ll call you back. Otherwise, stop calling me!” But I fear even that wouldn’t deter you. Because you know you don’t have something I want, but are convinced that if you could get me on the phone, your stunning script would wow me into submission, persuading me to agree to whatever service or product you’re harking. Or, that with your celebrated persistence you’ll just annoy me long enough that I’ll agree to anything just to get you to leave me alone.

I’ll tell you now, whatever it is, I’m not interested. I don’t need a Discover Business Card. I don’t want a home equity loan or mortgage protection insurance or a free trip to Bermuda. The timeshares Hilton keeps wanting to show us? We don’t qualify for the minimum income level to see them. So, I can assure you that you’re wasting your time. And I am screening every call. Every time you call, I get a little more annoyed. Most of the time, I’m hoping to hear from a friend, and then I go to the phone, and it’s you! You! So, please, I’m begging you. Give up. Move on. Because the next time you call, I just may be tempted to answer…